Part One of the “Single, Still Becoming” series
There is a particular kind of waiting that comes with being single.
You can be grateful for your life and still want someone to share it with. You can love God and still wonder what it would feel like to be loved deeply by another person. You can be independent, responsible, growing, healing—and still have nights when you wish someone were beside you.
There is nothing strange about that desire.
The problem begins when desire quietly becomes a conclusion:
“Something is missing from me.”
Sometimes nobody has to say it directly.
You feel it when another friend gets engaged.
You feel it when someone asks, “So, are you seeing anyone?” for the third time.
You feel it when weddings seem to come one after another, while your own life appears unchanged.
And eventually, if you are not careful, singleness can begin to feel less like a season of life and more like evidence that you have somehow been left behind.
But Scripture gives us a very different picture.
Marriage Is Good. It Is Not Completion.
Christianity does not teach us to despise marriage in order to appreciate singleness.
Marriage is good.
The desire for companionship can be good.
Wanting a husband or wife does not mean you are spiritually immature or that God is not enough for you.
But there is an important difference between wanting marriage and believing that marriage will finally make you whole.
Paul writes:
“You are complete in him.”
Colossians 2:10
Notice where Scripture places our completeness.
Not in marriage.
Not in romantic attention.
Not in finally being chosen by someone.
In Christ.
That does not mean Jesus removes every human desire. It means those desires no longer determine your worth.
A spouse may become an important part of your life.
A spouse was never meant to become the explanation for your value.
Your Life Has Already Started
One of the most dangerous thoughts a single person can carry is:
When I get married, then...
Then I will build a home.
Then I will become disciplined.
Then I will travel.
Then I will serve God seriously.
Then I will become financially responsible.
Then I will heal.
Then I will really begin living.
Years can disappear inside that sentence.
Marriage may change your life someday, but you are living a real life right now.
You have decisions to make now.
Character to develop now.
People to love now.
Work to do now.
Sin to confront now.
Gifts to use now.
A relationship with God to deepen now.
You do not need another person's arrival before you are allowed to become the person God is calling you to be.
Even Paul Spoke Differently About Singleness
This is where the Bible becomes surprisingly uncomfortable for some modern Christian conversations.
Paul did not describe singleness as an unfortunate waiting room before marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7, he actually talks about advantages that can come with being unmarried.
“He who is unmarried is concerned for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 7:32
Paul is not saying married people cannot serve God. The same chapter honors marriage.
He is pointing out something practical:
Singleness can contain freedoms that marriage does not.
Your time can be different.
Your responsibilities can be different.
Your ability to move, serve, study, build, give, travel, or take certain risks may be different.
That does not make singleness superior.
It makes it significant.
And if you spend the entire season resenting what you do not have, you may fail to recognize what you have been given.
But What About the Loneliness?
This is where Christian writing can become dishonest.
We can quote verses about contentment and pretend loneliness disappears.
It doesn't always.
There may be evenings when your apartment feels unusually quiet.
There may be moments when you want physical affection.
There may be days when you are tired of making every decision alone.
There may be times when watching other people build families hurts more than you expected.
You don't have to lie about that to prove you trust God.
The Psalms are filled with people who trusted God enough to tell Him exactly what hurt.
Faith is not pretending you have no unmet desires.
Faith is refusing to let an unmet desire become your god.
You can tell God:
I want marriage.
I want intimacy.
I want companionship.
I am tired of waiting.
And still finish the prayer with:
But I belong to You even here.
That is not weakness.
That is surrender.
Being Chosen Will Not Heal Everything
Romantic attention can be powerful when you have been lonely for a long time.
Someone notices you.
Someone texts you every morning.
Someone tells you that you are beautiful.
Someone finally seems afraid of losing you.
And suddenly something inside you whispers:
Finally.
Be careful with that word.
Because loneliness can make ordinary attention feel like destiny.
It can make you tolerate things you once said you never would.
It can make red flags look small.
It can make compromise feel reasonable.
It can even make sin feel like the price you must pay to keep someone from leaving.
That is why knowing who you are before a relationship matters.
If another person's affection becomes the proof that you are valuable, you may eventually become terrified of losing the person who gives you that proof.
But when your identity is rooted somewhere deeper, you can love someone without asking them to become your god.
You Are Still Becoming
Maybe marriage will be part of your story.
Maybe it will come sooner than you expect.
Maybe it will take longer than you want.
Scripture does not give us permission to promise the timeline.
What Scripture does give us is something stronger than a prediction:
Christ is present now.
So don't spend this part of your life merely preparing to become someone's husband or wife.
Become faithful.
Become wise.
Learn discipline.
Build healthy friendships.
Learn how to manage your money.
Take care of your body.
Develop your gifts.
Serve people.
Deal honestly with your wounds.
Learn what your boundaries are before somebody pressures you to move them.
And above everything else, know God for yourself.
Because marriage does not end the work of becoming.
You will still need Christ after the wedding.
You will still have insecurities.
You will still face temptation.
You will still need forgiveness.
You will still need discipline.
You will still need to grow.
A wedding changes your relationship status.
It does not replace sanctification.
You Are Not Waiting to Become Valuable
Perhaps that is the truth someone needs tonight.
You are not half of a human being waiting for another half to arrive.
You are not behind because somebody younger than you got married first.
You are not forgotten because your prayers have not been answered according to your preferred timeline.
And you do not need to pretend that you no longer desire marriage in order to become content.
You can hold both things at once:
“Lord, I still desire this.”
and
“Lord, my life still belongs to You without it.”
That is a difficult kind of faith.
But it is also a freeing one.
Because once marriage stops being the starting line of your life, you can finally look at the life already in front of you.
And live it.
Not someday.
Now.
Scripture to Sit With
Colossians 2:10 — Your completeness is found in Christ.
1 Corinthians 7:32–35 — Singleness can provide unique freedom for devotion to God.
Philippians 4:11–13 — Contentment is something Paul learned through changing circumstances.
Psalm 73:25–26 — Even when everything else fails, God remains the strength and portion of His people.
Next in the series: Nobody Talks About the Desire
Being single does not make sexual desire disappear. Part Two will talk honestly about attraction, temptation, the body, sexual sin, and what biblical self-control looks like when simply saying “just wait until marriage” is not enough.
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